My very good friend recently turned 60.  His family celebrated with a swell party held at a golf course.  His sons signed us up to play golf.  I guess they thought playing golf was included as party stuff.

We all looked ok and seemed to be normal, regardless of the fact that this was a birthday/golf party.  This appearance quickly disappeared as we got into our golf carts.

Suddenly we seemed to have some type of disorder relating to higher cognitive thinking.  At least the older guys in the group did.  The younger guys appeared to be able to function on some level of rational thought as they laughed at birthday guy and his friend from up north somewhere.  They laughed at me too, mainly because I actually believed one of birthday guy’s sons when he told me my group would tee off at 4.

I arrived at 3:45 and was told by the lady in the clubhouse they were probably halfway through the course by then.  So I called birthday guy on my cell phone (remember those things)?  He asked me why I was calling and didn’t I realize he was golfing?  I apologized but was thinking, “He’s never played golf before in his life.  He plays like I do and that could never be construed or misconstrued as golf.”  Anyway, he said they were headed toward the 5^th tee.

I asked the lady at the clubhouse where the 5^th tee might be located.  A deeply puzzled look settled on her face as she handed me a scorecard with a map of the course on the back.  “It’s way out there somewhere,” she waved, vaguely.  “Just follow the greens.”  She didn’t know where it was.  “But you can take a golf cart,” she added.  “Let me find you a clean one.”  I don’t care if it’s clean or not, ma’am,” I replied.  I had visions of her washing and waxing this thing, while my friends with the higher cognitive thinking disorder were way out there somewhere, in deep peril and calling it golf.  “Well, I could give you one of these electric carts,” she said, “But they don’t work. “ She muttered this as an after thought.  I would have shaken my head, but I didn’t want to damage anything and I needed to save what little was in there for my arrival at the 5^th tee.  She gave me cart 15.

I raced past golfers who looked a lot like my friends.  It’s confusing when so many flail and hack away just like we do.

I found them and immediately felt right at home as I watched them miss putts a bunch of times.  I did forget to bring my walkie-talkies.  This meant conversation might be minimal as we each went our separate ways, searching for our tee shots in the woods and streams.  I solved that problem by simply hitting four or five golf balls until one stayed in the really wide green patch right down the center.  The other guys did the same thing.  This proved that we still had some higher cognitive thinking abilities, so we were fairly happy.  I played the final 5 holes and still shot somewhere around 80 or 90, which is par for me.  My final shot did land in the parking lot, but I didn’t hear any glass shattering so it was ok.  The day was great

My very good friend still turned 60 and we all had a grand time and we’re still friends, and that’s what it’s all about.

Happy birthday!