The Globe Leader

June 14, 2007:

Father's Day

By Frank Parrish

It’s Father’s Day and that’s a reason to celebrate.

I generally do a bit of reflecting on this day. I grew up as an orphan, never knowing either of my parents. My brothers and I were called “wards of the state”, which sounds as bad as it was. We were shuffled off to several foster homes, until we ended up in Hershey, at Mr. Hershey’s School for boys. I don’t recall ever celebrating Father’s Day while I was there, but then again, there was no reason to celebrate.

After graduation and growing up, I spent a great deal of time searching for what a real father might be. What did one look like? What did one act like? On this journey I met many who were called fathers but other than being present in their houses, didn’t seem much different than the one I never knew. I also discovered some really great men who worked very hard at being fathers. These guys were few in number. My conclusion was, and still is, that true fathers are incredibly rare and therefore, precious. I think this is true because it takes an unbelievable amount of work to be a father. I know because I have two kids who call me dad.
When my kids were born I wanted to be the best father on the planet. I wanted them to have what I never had growing up. Since I had no clue what that meant, I launched myself off into the great unknown and hoped the fall wouldn’t kill me. It did.

But I learned that’s the price for loving and wanting your children (or anyone you love) to grow up and be more than you became. There is a bible verse that says if you want to find your life you must first lose it. This kind of truth can’t just be talked about. It has to be experienced to work. Fatherhood is a lot like that. The effort isn’t a vain attempt at being perfect, although most of us will try to be. Being a father means being present, steady, and there for your kids. Will you make all of the right decisions, always calm, unruffled, and laid back? Can you hear everyone laughing? Being a father isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being there. It may even mean being there when a trillion other things are pulling at you, screaming for your undivided attention. Ok, it will mean that.

Father’s Day is a time to tell dad that you appreciate the tightrope he’s tried to walk all these years. It’s a time to say thanks for making the effort of juggling work and family and a dozen other things. Most men aren’t very good at multi-tasking but this is one area where a good father does his best to do just that. You might also consider that the reason he gets some crazy looking tie every year is because he never tells you what it is he wants. By the way, he doesn’t want to be thanked either. He wants you to turn out well.

He knows what it is he wants, but for the most part, the words aren’t there. He wants his kids to grow up and be far more than he could ever hope to be. He wants them to be successful regardless of whether they have money or not. He knows that success and wealth have nothing to do with money. And most of all he wants them to grow up and be a better parent than he was.